Divorce
By Swami Harshananda and Vishal Agarwal
Vivāha or marriage has been considered as sanskāra[1] It is one of the three most important sixteen sanskāras, normally called ‘ṣoḍaśasanskāras’.
The dharmaśāstras have considered vivāha as sacred and inviolable. Divorce has been permitted in cases of mutual hatred, having the possibilities of danger to life. In such cases, only bare alimony is provided to the abandoned party. The husband or the wife can abandon their partners only in extreme certain circumstances such as:
- Long-standing incurable disease
- Becoming ‘patita’ or an outcast due to heinous sins
After the passage of ‘The Hindu Marriage Act’ in India in 1955, many changes have been brought in the system of marriage, which also include provisions for divorce.
The very essence of married life is emphasized in the scriptures:
- Faithfulness to each other must be observed till death – this is the essence of the Supreme Law that must be followed by the husband and wife. After completing the marriage rites, they should exert with all their might to avoid being unfaithful to each other, and to avoid splitting from each other. Manusmṛti 9.101–102
A husband was required to leave sufficient resources or money for his wife’s maintenance if he went on a journey. If he did not do so, the wife could support herself through manual work. However, if her husband did not return after a few years and she had no means to support herself, she could marry another man. Although a wife was supposed to put up with a bad husband, a husband could discard his wife within a few months or years if she misbehaved.
A scholar describes why divorce is considered reprehensible in Hindu society:
- “In Hinduism, marriage is viewed as a sacrament, not a contract. Hindu marriage is a life-long commitment of one wife and one husband, and it is the strongest social bond that takes place between a man and a woman in the presence of their parents, relatives, friends, and society…..
The recognition of the spiritual ideal of Hindu marriage requires that the couple recognize marriage as a permanent lifetime relationship, and therefore an indissoluble one. In Hinduism, marriage is not an experiment to investigate whether or not one likes the other, but an irrevocable commitment for a lifetime relationship. In order to satisfy such a commitment, a couple must be ready, willing, and able to subordinate their individual interests and inclinations to the larger ideal of reflecting God’s unconditional love through lifelong companionship. Hindu philosophy recognizes that there are natural differences in taste and temper, and ideals and interests of the individuals. The Hindu ideal of the institution of marriage is to reconcile these differences to promote a harmonious life.”
Scriptural Guidelines for Marital Longevity
Hindu scriptures list several means to ensure the longevity of a marriage:
1.The husband and wife must act unitedly as a pair, not pursuing goals individually in disregard of each other. This unity is reflected in the wedding steps (Saptapadī, Pherā etc.).
- The husband and wife should be of one mind, of one resolve, and have the same goal. Wives must never pursue dharm, artha and kāma independently of their husbands. Vyāsa Smṛti 2.18
2.They must love each other. Marriage is not a one-sided relationship.
- Even in Heaven, one thing is difficult to find, and that is mutual love between husband and wife. What can be more painful than the situation in which one out of the two is full of love but the other is detached? Dakṣa Smṛti 4.6
3.They must understand the consequences of mutual enmity and hatred in this life and the next.
- The man who abandons his young wife even though she is virtuous and faithful is himself reborn as a barren woman upon death. Dakṣa Smṛti 4.17
- If a respectable woman is insulted by her husband, she is reborn as a man in the next three lives, and her husband is reborn as the wife for the next three lives. Kātyāyana Smṛti 20.13
The consequences of separation are often harmful not just for the couple in this life, but also in the next. Moreover, the children of failed marriages also suffer greatly. 4. The fourth guideline is that the couple must be compatible and share several similarities. Or, if they are dissimilar, they must complement each other. In the traditional Hindu arranged marriage, this is ensured by the participation of wise and loving elders from both sides in shortlisting potential candidates. The qualities of an ideal groom and bride, and the philosophy behind arranged marriages, reinforce this principle.
5.The fifth guideline is that the husband and wife should view marriage not as a concession to human weakness, but as a means for spiritual growth.
6.The sixth guideline is the recognition that marriage is not just a union of two individuals, but of two families. Throughout their married lives, especially in the initial years, the parents, siblings, uncles, aunts and other relatives of the couple must participate constructively and supportively to make the life of the couple more harmonious and fulfilling. However, relatives must also know when to stop interfering in the couple’s lives. Strong family ties in Hindu families ensure that marriages are lifelong.
7.The seventh guideline is that if a husband abandons a virtuous wife, the state shall confiscate a portion of his wealth and provide it for her maintenance. This served as a legal deterrent to misbehavior by the husband.
- If a husband abandons his wife who is obedient, skillful in her tasks, mother of brave sons and a polite speaker, the King should confiscate 1/3 of that man’s wealth and hand it over to the abandoned wife. If the husband is poor, then the King should instead ensure that the wife is given food and clothes by her errant husband. Yājñavalkya Smṛti 1.76
Illustrative Stories on Forgiveness and Reconciliation
The Hindu tradition acknowledges that quarrels between spouses can cause separation or even divorce, but it advocates reconciliation, forgiveness, and rekindling of love, since everyone makes mistakes.
Story: Rāma forgives Ahalyā
Ṛṣi Gautama and his wife Ahalyā lived in their hermitage. Gautama, absorbed in meditation and study, often neglected her, though she continued serving him dutifully. Indra, enamored by Ahalyā, once disguised himself as Gautama and approached her. Though she realized the deception, she did not resist him. When Gautama returned, he discovered the truth and cursed Indra. He also cursed Ahalyā, turning her into stone, decreeing that she would subsist only on air until redeemed by Rāma’s touch.
Years later, Rāma arrived with Viśvāmitra. At his guru’s request, he touched the stone, restoring Ahalyā to her human form. Filled with remorse, she sought forgiveness. Rāma assured her that she was absolved, blessed her, and foretold her reunion with her husband. Ahalyā departed joyfully, freed from her error. This story illustrates that even grievous mistakes by a spouse can be forgiven with compassion.
Story: Śiva and Pārvatī as Fisherman and Fisherwoman
Once, Śiva was explaining the secret of the Vedas to Pārvatī, but she became distracted by a fish. Irritated, Śiva cursed her to be born as a fisherwoman. She was reborn as the daughter of a fisherman chief and grew into a beautiful young woman. Regretting his anger, Śiva longed for her. To assist, his attendant Maṇikandan became a giant shark that terrorized the fishermen. The chief announced that whoever captured the shark would wed his daughter.
Śiva, disguised as a fisherman, subdued the shark easily and married Pārvatī once again. They then revealed their true forms and returned to their divine abode. This story shows how misunderstandings can occur between spouses, but love and reconciliation restore harmony.
References[edit]
- The Concise Encyclopedia of Hinduism, Swami Harshananda, Ram Krishna Math, Bangalore