Talk:Choosing your Life-Partner: The Qualities in a Good Bride and her Family
By Vishal Agarwal
The Śāstras list several qualities that a bride and her family must possess. Some illustrative verses are given below:
- In connecting himself with a wife, let him carefully avoid the ten following families, be they ever so great, or rich in cattle, horses, sheep, grain, or property - Manusmriti 3.6
- One which neglects the sacred rites, one in which no male children (are born), one in which the Veda is not studied, one (the members of) which have thick hair on the body, those that are subject to hemorrhoids, phthisis (consumption), weakness of digestion, epilepsy, or white (leukoderma) and black leprosy. Manusmriti 3.7
- Let him not marry a maiden with reddish hair, nor one who has a redundant member, nor one who is sickly, nor one with either no hair (on the body)[1] or with too much, or one who is garrulous or has red (eyes). Manusmriti 3.8
- Let him marry a lady free from bodily defects, who has an agreeable name, the graceful gait of a swan or an elephant, a moderate (quantity of) hair on the body and the head, small teeth, and soft limbs. Manusmriti 3.10
The Mānava Grhyasutra 7.6-7 states that the bride must possess the following qualities: her family must be wealthy, she must be beautiful, she must be knowledgeable, she must be intelligent, and her family must be of good reputation. But, of these qualities, the least important is wealth, slightly more important is beauty, and a little more important is her educational qualifications. But the most important are intelligence and the reputation of her family.
While some of these requirements might seem too fastidious or misogynistic, many have a logical, scientific, or cultural basis[2]. For example, it is less likely that a lady from an illiterate and uncultured family will be educated and cultured herself. Likewise, many physical and mental ailments are genetic and are transmitted within families and lineages. But exceptions are there, which is why the same texts say –
- Marry a gem of a girl even if she is from a debased family. Manusmriti 2.238