Talk:Guidelines for Raising Children: Strike a balance between Pampering and Disciplining

By Vishal Agarwal

Parents, especially the mother, often pamper their children. Children deserve the love of their parents, and if the parents are not loving and forgiving, they are not good parents.

That mother alone demonstrates her love to her children who forgives their faults and who takes care of them diligently. But a mother who does not have these qualities and has a bad character, she brings grief to her children. Śukranītisāra 3.252

But a line needs to be drawn by parents as well as teachers between pampering and disciplining. When pampering spoils children, it is time for parents and teachers to become strict and start disciplining them.

A teacher who disciplines and scolds his students feeds them (so to speak) ambrosia with his own hands, whereas a teacher who pampers his students feeds them poison (so to speak). This is because scolding and disciplining ensures that students acquire good qualities whereas pampering results in bad qualities of character in them. Students too should accept the scolding of their teachers with happiness, and should fear pampering. But, teachers must not chastise their students out of jealousy or hatred for them. And when they are outwardly rebuking their students, they must nevertheless have love and compassion for the students in their hearts. [The same teaching applies to parents]. Maharṣi Patañjali’s Mahābhāṣya 8.1.8

Disciplining manifests many good qualities, pampering generates many defects. Therefore, discipline your child and student instead of pampering them. Cāṇakya Nīti Darpaṇa 2.12

But simply chastising and scolding children for their misbehavior is not a good strategy. Children are very active, inquisitive and in need of constructive work to keep them busy. One option is to keep them engaged in their studies, or take them to places like museums, parks etc.

It is not beneficial to chastise or pamper children excessively. Instead, they should be kept busy by involving them in studies. Śukranītisāra 3.95