Talk:Less Common Relationships and Families:The Significant Other

By Vishal Agarwal

When two individuals develop a deep emotional bond, they may or may not live together. They prioritize their relationship with each other over that with others. Sometimes, the couple may take the next step to get married. If a sexual relationship is involved, the marriage is of the Gāndharva type. In other cases, the two individuals can simply have a platonic relationship but form a very close bond.

We have the example of two ṛṣis named Nara and Nārāyaṇa who were reborn many times and remained deep friends in each life. In the Mahābhārata, Kṛṣṇa and Arjuna (who were cousins as well as very close friends) are sometimes referred to as one of their appearances together.

Parable – Dhanurdāsa finds the Most Beautiful Eyes

Śrī Rāmānujācārya once saw a strange incident – A man was walking backwards, while holding an umbrella over his girlfriend. The saint asked the man the reason for his inappropriate behavior. The man replied, “I worship beauty. Even while walking with this woman, I do not want to waste a single moment by not seeing the beauty of her beautiful eyes.”

Rāmānuja thought, “I wish that his infatuation for beauty were directed towards Viṣṇu, the most beautiful one! If that happens, this man will attain great spiritual heights.” Therefore, the saint said, “If you really worship beauty, then come today evening to the Raṅganāthasvāmy Temple in Śrīraṅgam at the time of the ārati (prayer ceremony done with lamps).”

The man was reluctant to go to the temple, but his ladylove said, “Perhaps a misfortune would befall you if you do not obey the command of a holy man. So just go for today.” The man showed up at the required time in the temple, and he was overwhelmed when he saw the beauty of the lamps being waved around the Deity. He was moved by the beauty of the prayers being chanted by the devotees and by the faith in their eyes.

His transformation occurred there and then. He gave up his wrong ways and became a true devotee of Viṣṇu. His name is recorded as Dhanurdāsa. Dhanurdāsa married his girlfriend with the blessings of Rāmānujācārya, and they both settled down in the temple city of Śrīraṅgam, where the couple spent their lives in the worship of Bhagavān.

Kṛṣṇa, Draupadī and the Gopīs

Rigid social conventions cannot define all true relationships. In the Mahābhārata, Draupadī, who was married to the Pāṇḍavas, regarded Kṛṣṇa as her best friend. Whenever she was in trouble and was failed by her own family members, she remembered Kṛṣṇa for help.

Likewise, Kṛṣṇa always praised the Gopīs (dairy farming women) of Vṛndāvana, where he had spent his childhood. Even his wives and others would object to his love for them. One day, when He had a headache, he asked for the dust of the feet of anyone who loved him to apply as balm on his forehead. But everyone thought, “How can I risk going to Hell by giving the dust of my feet to our Śrī.”

But when the Gopīs were asked, they spread a shawl and started wiping their feet on it to collect the dust. They said, “If the dust of our feet can cure his headache, we are not worried about going to Hell.”

This story shows that the Śrī Kṛṣṇa regards selfless love as a stronger basis for relationships than formal conventions.