Talk:Marriage:Upanayana for Girls
By Sri Chandrasekharendra Saraswati Swami
If brahmacarya prepares boys (or young men) to live according to dharma, what about girls? A girl has neither upanayana nor brahmacaryāśrama. Should not a woman’s mind also be disciplined like a man’s? If you echo the criticism of reformers and say that injustice has been done to women by denying them the brahmacaryāśrama and upanayana, my answer is: No.
Men marry after their upanayana and student-bachelorhood. Now, for women, marriage itself is upanayana. Just as a boy dedicates himself to his guru, a girl must dedicate herself to her husband from her childhood until the start of their conjugal life and beyond. The Manusmṛti says: Strīṇām upanayanaṁ-sthāne vivāhaṁ Manurabravīt (“Manu says that for women, marriage is in place of upanayana.”) If you ask for an external sign of this, like the sacred thread worn by men, we may at once point to the married woman’s maṅgalasūtra.
Upanayana means “taking near”—taking a boy near his guru for his brahmacaryāśrama. A woman’s guru is her husband. Being joined to him in wedlock is her upanayana.
According to the śāstras, a boy’s upanayana must be performed when he is seven years old. A girl must be married at the same age. If a boy is to be initiated into brahmacarya before his mind is disturbed by kāma, a girl is to be married before she feels the carnal urge. She must also accept her husband as her guru. According to the śāstras, the guru must be looked upon as Īśvara. In the same way, a child bride must think of her husband as both guru and Īśvara and dedicate herself whole-heartedly to him. She will be able to adopt such an attitude only when she is married very young. Later, she might start to reason about things, ask questions, and develop egoistic feelings.
Laying oneself at the feet of the guru or Īśvara—in short, surrender—is the best means of liberating oneself. This concept of surrender is proclaimed in the carama śloka of the Gītā: surrender to Īśvara, guru, or husband. Once you surrender to an individual or deity, you no longer own anything. Īśvara will give you His grace through the one to whom you surrender.
According to the system devised by sages, a boy is made to surrender to his guru at the time of his upanayana ceremony, while a girl does the same to her husband at the time of her marriage.
It is not that the girl is considered inferior and asked to surrender to a man—that is, her husband. The boy too is asked to surrender as a child to the guru. It is the view of the śāstras that the age at which the girl is married and surrenders to her husband must be the same as that at which the boy surrenders to the guru.
Talking of the husband and the wife, the question of whether one is superior to the other or inferior is of no consequence. Equally unimportant is the question of rights and status. If this is realised, surrender will be seen to be of the utmost importance. We must appreciate the fact that it is in keeping with this view that the concept of upanayana has taken shape in the case of boys and marriage in the case of girls.