Talk:Marriage:Upanayana for Girls

By Sri Chandrasekharendra Saraswati Swami

If brahmacarya prepares boys (or young men) to live according to dharm, what about girls? A girl has neither upanayana nor brahmacaryāśrama. Should not a woman’s mind also be disciplined like a man’s? If you echo the criticism of reformers and say that injustice has been done to women by denying them the brahmacaryāśrama and upanayana, my answer is: No.

Men marry after their upanayana and student-bachelorhood. Now, for women, marriage itself is upanayana. The Manusmṛti says: Strīṇām upanayanaṁ-sthāne vivāhaṁ Manurabravīt (“Manu says that for women, marriage is in place of upanayana.”) If you ask for an external sign of this, like the sacred thread worn by men, we may at once point to the married woman’s maṅgalasūtra.

Upanayana means “taking near”—taking a boy near his guru for his brahmacaryāśrama. A woman’s guru is her husband. Being joined to him in wedlock is her upanayana.

According to the śāstra-s, a boy’s upanayana must be performed when he is seven years old. If a boy is to be initiated into brahmacarya before his mind is disturbed by kāma, a girl is to be married when she is ready. She also accept her husband as her guru.

Laying oneself at the feet of the guru or Īśvara in short, surrender is the best means of liberating oneself. This concept of surrender is proclaimed in the carama śloka of the Gītā: surrender to Īśvara, guru, or husband. Once you surrender to an individual or deity, you no longer own anything. Īśvara will give you His grace through the one to whom you surrender.

Talking of the husband and the wife, the question of whether one is superior to the other or inferior is of no consequence. Equally unimportant is the question of rights and status. If this is realised, surrender will be seen to be of the utmost importance.