Talk:Widow/Widower Remarriage

By Vishal Agarwal

The loss of a beloved spouse is regarded as one of the deepest tragedies in human life. The surviving partner faces immense emotional pain, and the emptiness created by such a separation often leads to further decline in health or even an early death.

After the passing of a beloved wife, the world appears as a desolate forest and the heart keeps incinerating as if kept in a heap of burning husk. Bhavabhūti, Uttara Rāmacharita 6.38

Widow Remarriage

Rise O Woman! Come to the world of the living. Come, the man by whose side you are lying is lifeless. Be united with this man as his wife, who holds thy hand and seeks to be thy husband.

(The new husband says) Taking the bow from the hand of the departed, let us launch a new life of valor and strength... Here are you my beloved, in front of me. Now we two, with virtuous and valorous children, will triumph over all who challenge us and compete with us. Rigveda 10.18.8–9; Atharvaveda

O Aśvins! Where are you in the evening, where at the morning, where do you sojourn? Where do you dwell? And who is the one that brings you both into his presence, as a second husband to the couch of the widow, or the groom in front of his bride? Rigveda 10.40.2

Whatever woman, having first married one husband, marries another, she and the other new husband will not be separated if they offer a goat and five rice dishes illumined with religious fees. Atharvaveda 9.5.27–29

Dharmasūtras appended to various Vedic schools also recognize widow remarriage, with conditional permissions in special circumstances. This general permission for remarriage of widows was maintained in some texts of classical Hinduism. In certain cases, if the husband went abroad for longer than a particular period of time, the woman was permitted to remarry as well.

Another man is ordained for women in five calamities: a) When the husband is missing and is unheard of; b) The husband dies; c) When the husband is impotent; d) When the husband has become an ascetic; e) The husband has become depraved. Agni Purāṇa 154.5–5; Parāśara Smṛti IV.30; Nārada Smṛti V.97

If the husband is untraceable, dead, or has renounced the world, is impotent or degraded – in these cases of emergency a woman can remarry. Garuḍa Purāṇa 1.107.28

In general however, the status of widows declined steeply when the texts of classical Hinduism were formulated. As a result, remarriage of widows was highly frowned upon and the ideal widow was expected to live a life of piety, austerity and self abnegation. Some illustrative verse may be cited below-

A faithful wife, who desires to dwell after death with her husband, must never do anything that might displease him who took her hand, whether he is alive or dead. Manusmṛti 5.156

At her pleasure, let her emaciate her body by living on pure flowers, roots and fruit; but she must never even mention the name of another man after her husband has died. Manusmṛti 5.157

Until death, let her be patient of hardships, self-controlled, and chaste, and strive to fulfill that most excellent duty which is prescribed for wives, who have one husband only. Manusmṛti 5.158

Many thousands of Brāhmaṇas who were chaste from their youth, have gone to heaven without continuing his race. Manusmṛti 5.159

A virtuous wife who after the death of her husband constantly remains chaste, reaches heaven, though she have no son, just like those chaste men. Manusmṛti 5.160

Likewise, a widower was excluded from the sacred ritual but could remarry in order to enter normal life, or he could choose to live celibate. But, no stigma was attached to the remarriage of a widower.

Clearly however, widow remarriages continued to occur in historic India, and are mentioned in Dharmashāstra texts themselves. One may cite several examples of widow remarriages from ancient India. In the Harivaṃśa Purāṇa, Ugrayudha proposes to Satyavatī, the widow of Śantanu, indicating that it was not taboo to marry a widow. Arjuna married Ulūpī, the widowed daughter of the Nāga king, and even had a son by her. The Jātaka tales narrate some other instances of men marrying widows in the Hindu society in the pre-Buddhist period. Emperor Candragupta II in the 4th century CE married Dhruvadevī, the widow of his elder brother. Vīra Hammīra of Chittor married the widowed daughter of Maldeo and their son Kṣetrasimha succeeded him to the throne of Udaipur.

Remarriage of widow was generally recommended with her younger brother-in-law, though there does not seem to be an absolute restriction in this regard. Such examples were not commonplace though and a life of celibacy was generally recommended for widows. Numerous Hindu communities such as Jāts practiced widow remarriage (the custom was called ‘karewā’) down to modern times. Currently, the stigma against widow remarriages is vanishing fast especially in large cities in India. It is preferred by family members that the widow remarries a widower, though there is no such compulsion. Social reformers like Maharṣi Karve (1858–1962) championed the right of Hindu widows to remarry. Overcoming great social and family opposition, he led by example and himself married a widow.

Widower Remarriage

In contrast to widow remarriage, there was not much social or religious stigma attached to the remarriage of widowers. They were debarred from performing yajñas but could remarry if they wanted to rekindle the fire altar again in their home.

A twice-born man, versed in the sacred law, shall cremate a dead wife of equal caste, who conducts herself according to the dharm of a virtuous wife, and dies before him, with the sacred fires used for the agnihotra, and with the yajña implements. Manusmṛti 5.167

Having thus, at the funeral, given the sacred fires to his wife who dies before him, he may marry again, and again kindle the fires. Manusmṛti 5.168

Living according to the rules, he must never neglect the five great yajñas and, having taken a wife, he must dwell in his own house during the second period of his life. Manusmṛti 5.169

A son becomes entitled to take over his father’s duty of performing the daily agnihotra if his father’s wife dies, or if his father travels to a distant location, or if his father gets tainted with a sin. Atri Saṃhitā 1.106

Husbands could also forsake their wives for other reasons, but similar freedom was granted only rarely to women.

Let him abandon a barren wife in the tenth year, one who bears only daughters in the twelfth, one whose children all die in the fifteenth, but her who is quarrelsome without delay. Baudhāyana Dharmasūtra 2.2.4.6